Dear Scout

Scout,

I don’t even know where to begin. Your second birthday will be here in a matter of weeks and I’m struggling to grasp how much faster life goes when you have kids. These last two years have challenged me more than I ever thought possible. I’ve never cried more, laughed more, worried more, slept less or experienced joy more in all my life and I owe it all to you, my sweet girl.

You are so patient with me and my constant failures as I walk my way through mommyhood for the very first time. It’s so hard to understand the feelings constantly colliding as a mom. One minute I’m about to rip all my hair out because you insist on drawing all over every.single.solitary.thing BUT paper, and the next minute I’m a gushy emotional mess because I can’t believe I’m taking the actions of a toddler so personally. You have taught me more about myself and about life in general than any other person. You’ve shown me my true strengths and weaknesses. You’ve shown me what really matters and what’s really not that big of a deal. You’ve helped me to find wonder in small things again, like flowers along the sidewalk and the tiny little finches that perch outside our kitchen window.

You are SMART. I know every parent thinks their kid is the smartest kid in the world, but you want to know a secret? You really true are. You know so many words and sentences and songs. You count to ten all of the time, and I’m still trying to figure out where you learned that because I don’t remember spending that much time teaching you. You know where things go in your bedroom and that you can’t go outside without me. You are constantly figuring out how things work on your own and it amazes me every time.

You are so sensitive to how other people are feeling. If I’m having a rough time and trying my best to hide it from you, you still figure it out. You crawl up on the couch and snuggle close or hold my face in your hands and tell me “it’s okay mama”. If you see someone crying I can see that you want to make them feel better, especially in movies.

You are joy. Every morning you are so happy to see me and it makes my heart burst every time. I’ve never been a morning person but spending the mornings with you have become my favorite part of the day. You give big hugs and snuggle in bed with me for a while before we eat our breakfast and watch some Barney. When we go out on our mornings walks you take in everything around you. You love to point things out to me, or to touch a new plant, or smell a flower. You live in the moment and I adore that about you.

You are hilarious. You don’t even realize how funny you are. You don’t even try to be funny but it’s such a natural part of your personality. I love that about you. My funny girl.

There are so many things to say but I always fall short. I’ll never stop being completely humbled and grateful that God gave you to me. I know I have a lot of work to do and I’ll fail more times than I care to say, but I hope you know how much I love you. Every night, even on the hard days, when you finally fall asleep I pray over your little spirit and thank God for the gift that you are to me, the girl who made me a mama. I love you to the moon and back a thousand times.

-Mama

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